| Context/ examples | Dear Sir or Madam,
Within the framework of my Master’s, I would like to apply for an exchange semester in XY, at the University of XY. I am currently studying in the seventh semester of business sciences AT THE U OF XYZ, majoring in International Entrepreneurship, Management and Marketing. For my further course of studies, I would like to put the focus on modules of ‘International Marketing’, the main focus being ‘Econometrics’.
In applying to you, I am hoping to further my knowledge in these subjects and broaden my international outlook. I found the courses the XY offers to be an ideal combination based on both the knowledge I have acquired thus far as well as the continuing education offered in the master's courses. I believe they would allow me to improve my knowledge of public management, in particular applied econometrics, since you offer a wide range of courses with reference to these specialized fields. I like them especially well because of their practical approaches – for me, it would be an excellent preparation for my later professional life. Besides, a stay abroad would give me a possibility to further (it reads damn good already) advance my level of written and spoken English. Altogether, I would be able to meet both my personal and academic goals, and they would influence each other beneficially.
IT IS GOING DOWNHILL FROM HERE! DON'T LECTURE THEM WHAT THEY DO WELL AND WHAT NOT. THAT COMMENT WOULD CAUSE A LAUGHTER, AT BEST, IN OUR REVIEW COMMITTEE (U OF W)
30.000 students are enrolled at XY which is an important criterion. Due to this manageable amount I expect a mainly well organized University like the mid-size University of XY. Thus, it is easier coming in contact with staff members of the university. (wie kann man bessere Betreuung ausdrücken?)
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I am most interested in close collaboration with faculty and staff ... START ADDING EXAMPLES ON HOW EASY IT IS TO WORK WITH YOU, AND HOW RELIABLE YOU ARE AS A COLLABORATOR/TEAM MEMBER. MAKE THEM WANT TO WORK WITH YOU. DO YOU BRING YOUR OWN FUNDING (GREAT!) OR WILL YOU NEED ANY (TOUGH)
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‘I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.’ – These were the words of Nelson Mandela, freedom fighter, idol of the world and former president of South Africa. With his statement, Mandela has described the pursuit of an end of the Apartheid. Since I am greatly interested in foreign cultures and their historical backgrounds, this is an absorbing aspect. Besides, I would like to become acquainted with the way of life of the South African people. As a German with a very different cultural background (they do have culture in South Africa ...), this would be great and unique experience. To better come to know South African people I am interested in gaining insights in ‘Afrikaans’ (WHAT IS INSIGHT INTO A LANGUAGE? YOU WANT TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE? OR YOU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT THE CULTURE IN SOUTH AFRICA). In return, I would like to give the people of South Africa some insight into my cultural background. (BE CAREFUL, YOUR ORIGINAL TEXT HERE SOUNDS ARROGANT, I KNOW IT ISN'T INTENDED TO BE, BUT TRY USING MORE EQUAL TERMS WHEN ASKING FOR SOMETHING. SOUTH AFRICA HAS A BRITISH INFLUENCE, HENCE A BIT MORE FORMAL THAN GERMANY)
As I haven’t experienced an extended period abroad, I very much hope you will give me this unique oportunity. I declare that I would always act for the values and ideas of the XY to the best of my abilities during my term in XY.
Yours faithfully,
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| Comment | I marked corrections in boldface text and left in-text comments in uppercase writing.
The second to last paragraph needs some serious work to achieve your goal.
Another remark: try to write as good as you can IN YOUR words. The letter will be reviewed, in part, to assess your proficience in the English language. It will be held against you (by some) if the letter doesn't match the person they meet. So don't worry about the one or the other mistake, as long as the overall package is honest (and polite).
My background: professor at the University of Washington, hence I know a bit about the internal politics and how applications are read.
Good luck with your application. And follow the ideas of your last paragraph: don't stick to the Germans abroad but mingle with the local people - that's the best way to learn about a new culture and to promote your own.
P.S.: You posted in the wrong section. |
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