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    Translation correct?

    dichter werdender Nebel - thickening mist

    Source Language Term

    dichter werdender Nebel

    Correct?

    thickening mist

    Comment
    Aus einem meiner eigenen Gedichte.

    Was macht Nebel im Englischen, wenn er dichter wird? Ist "thickening" okay?
    Author El Buitre (266981) 19 May 12, 14:14
    Comment
    thickening mist just sounds pretty ugly to me in terms of a poem (which is of no consequence) - thick and mist just don't gel for me - fog is thick,

    amongst other things: mist/s gather/s (gathering mist), shroud/ed/ing in mist sounds fairly picturesque to me
    #1Authornoli (489500) 19 May 12, 14:21
    Comment
    Danke, noli, ich glaube, "gathering" ist das, was ich brauche. Hier das gesamte Gedicht - ist ja meins, da kann ich ja.

    Finally

    no more time
    no more patience
    move on
    away...
    behind...
    beyond...
    protected from...
    push through a barely visible gap in the hedgerow
    into...
    there's a meadow
    late afternoon light
    a swift-flowing river
    the gap closes behind me
    oblivion like gathering mist
    hiding...
    ......
    heartbeat calm, finally
    mind breathing in new pictures
    no longer threatening
    pain has given way
    the gap has vanished completely now
    sit down
    plenty of time here.
    #2AuthorEl Buitre (266981) 19 May 12, 14:33
    Comment
    thickening fog

    what's wrong with fog for Nebel? mist isn't exactly Nebel, IMO.
    #3Authordude (253248) 19 May 12, 14:43
     
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