riffing on #7 - This isn't a make-a-wish program, this is the "just deal with it" program.
Kind of cobbled together, but: We're not playing "three wishes" here, these are "reality" rules.
or using game show titles? This isn't Candy Land here, this is Get a Clue.
(noting that the actual game content has nothing to do with the meaning here)
or movies: This isn't Candyland here, this is Reality Bites.
(same applies, never saw either of them)